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Continue Reading »By Michelle Seitzer
The flowers, cards and chocolates have been delivered, but you’re left with a sinking feeling that Mom just isn’t at her best. You spent Sunday with her, and the normally tireless trooper was exhausted after a simple lunch at her favorite restaurant. You called her on the phone to see if your gift arrived and she sounded groggy and confused. Your daughter offered to take her to the local nursery to buy plants for her garden, a favorite ritual for years, but she said no.
The warning signs are different for every individual, but adult children, relatives and friends will know when something is off or when their loved one is struggling. Maybe it’s grief or depression, maybe it’s an infection, or perhaps it’s loneliness. It could be a temporary setback — a phase, a more difficult time of year when her thoughts may be with those who have passed away — or it may be a sign of a continual decline, advancing Alzheimer’s, or a natural function of the aging process.
Typically, it is the daughters, nieces, sisters, or other female relatives who notice those subtle changes in Mom’s health. The men in the family are less likely to comment on the fact that Mom’s house was looking a little dusty and disheveled, but Mom’s sister, who knows how important a clean and tidy house is to her sibling, will have cause for concern if the house is a mess.
If your mother lives alone, or if she is a caregiver for her spouse or another family member who lives with her, be on the lookout for changes in appearance, dress, ambulation (ability to walk/move about), mental/emotional state, memory, or eating habits. These changes, whether subtle or significant, are cause for concern.
However, these concerns are not always cause for immediate action. Just because Mom’s house is dusty today doesn’t mean you should move her into a long-term care facility tomorrow.
What to do (and not do) with your worries
The most important first step is to talk to your Mom about the changes you see. Tell her you’re concerned that she doesn’t seem to be herself lately. Ask her how she’s doing, if she’s feeling overwhelmed, tired, or ill. Ask what you can do to help, instead of barging in with a basket of cleaning supplies or coming in with an armload of brochures for local retirement communities. If you’re a long-distance caregiver and concerned about Mom from afar, ask more specific questions, like “what did you get in the mail today?” or “what did you have for dinner?” to gauge her level of awareness and whether she’s eating.
Don’t assume the worst, as there could be a very simple explanation for your concerns. It could be that, after a long week of doctor’s appointments and social engagements, she had no energy or desire to clean the house and you happened to stop by on a day when things were awry. Mowing the lawn or doing yard work may have been tasks your father normally completed; if so, consider hiring a neighborhood teen to do the job, or ask one of your siblings to stop by once a month for yard maintenance.
In the case that the changes are more drastic, schedule an appointment with Mom’s physician to rule out physical issues before pursuing specialized psychological/psychiatric services (if you’re concerned about mental health).
Does Mom have a good relationship with her neighbors? Talk with them too, or check in with her pastor, best friend or hairdresser. Ask them if they’ve noticed any changes, or if she’s expressed some of her own concerns to them. Call your Mom, or visit, at different times of the day or night when she may not be expecting you. Not able to visit regularly? Have a neighbor or trusted friend stop by to check in.
Often, older adults would rather not burden their children with news of their failing health or express a need for help. The impending loss of independence is devastating, and sometimes it’s harder to share those deep fears and feelings with your closest loved ones.
Mother’s Day can be a bittersweet holiday for families with these concerns, but don’t let your worries put a damper on the day. Be proactive, be aware, and be concerned, but don’t jump the gun on major decisions (like moving to assisted living) until you’ve talked to the person in question.
Celebrate the moments with your mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other special women, and cherish the time you have together no matter what the future holds.
Michelle Seitzer spent 10 years filling various roles at assisted living communities, then worked as a public policy coordinator for the Alzheimer’s Association in Pennsylvania before settling down as a full-time freelance writer. Seitzer also served as a long-distance caregiver for her beloved grandfather, who died of complications from Alzheimer’s in 2009. She is a blogger for SeniorsforLiving.com and a co-moderator of the first #ElderCareChat on Twitter.
When we think of osteoporosis, a condition in which the bones become brittle and fragile, we picture a frail woman and not a child. But the fact is that some children and teenagers are at risk for fractures, just like elderly people with osteoporosis.
“Younger and younger girls are concerned about dieting,” said Heidi Skolnik, MS, CDN, FACSM, owner of Nutrition Conditioning, Inc., a nutrition consulting practice that helps individuals, teams and organizations achieve health and performance goals, serving the greater New York Metropolitan area. “So if they are restricting food and drinking soda instead of milk, they might not be getting enough calories, protein, nutrients and it’s going to affect them forever.”
Ms. Skolnik, who also serves as nutritionist at The Women’s Sports Medicine Center at the Hospital for Special Surgery and is a Sports Nutrition Consultant to the New York Knicks, the School of American Ballet, and The Juilliard School, said that young girls tend to be energy deficient and the dieting and over exercising can interfere with their hormones and menstrual cycles—an important factor in “laying down bone structure.”
According to the National Osteoporosis Foundation, “about 85-90% of adult bone mass is acquired by age 18 in girls and 20 in boys. Building strong bones during childhood and adolescence can help to prevent osteoporosis later in life.” But they note that “since teens are still in their bone building years and capable of building bone, they aren’t labeled as having osteoporosis that young.”
This preventable condition affects 44 million Americans, or 55 percent of the people 50 years of age and older. “While osteoporosis is often thought of as an older person’s disease, it can strike at any age,” notes the National Osteoporosis Foundation. Regardless of age, females tend to be at higher risk as estrogen plays a key role in bone density. Eighty-percent of those with osteoporosis are women, and twenty percent are men.
As women lose estrogen during and after menopause, their risk for osteoporosis increases. Amenorrhea—missed periods—is also a time when estrogen is too low. Other risk factors include a genetic predisposition to osteoporosis and being thin and small. The National Osteoporosis Foundation has a complete list of risk factors on its website.
“I had a 27-year old woman who literally had twenty stress fractures,” Ms. Skolnik said. “If she stepped off a curb, she could break a bone. It was hard for her to heal.”
The Osteoporosis Foundation has a personal story of an athletic teenage girl who was dealing with broken bones on their website blog.
Ms. Skolnik said that such cases are rare and the emphasis should be on building the architecture of the bones throughout childhood through a combination of healthy eating—with plenty of calcium and vitamin D—as well as proper exercise.
“Physical activity like jumping rope and gymnastics are good for the bones,” she said. “You should be building that bone bank for life. If at 17 you have not built your bones, then you have nowhere to go over the next 50 years.”
Certainly lifestyle changes can benefit teenagers who may have low bone density—particularly establishing regular periods for girls. “A lot of runners think if they are thinner, they will go faster, which is not true,” Ms. Skolnik said. Instead she recommends short amounts of exercise—such as recess for younger children when they can jump and run—to help build bone mass when they are still growing.
Furthermore, diets are not beneficial to children. “Dieting isn’t recommended for children,” she said. “It’s ironic in this obesity epidemic, but they need to develop healthy eating patterns and maintain them as they outgrow being overweight.”
And adults need to be careful about what messages they send to their children when talking about their own bodies. “We say things like, ‘Do I look fat in this?’ and ‘I can’t believe I ate that cake, now I have to go to the gym!’ instead of saying you want to go get strong. Our kids hear that and it’s a message of it’s normative to dislike our bodies. Girls are striving for thin ideals and cutting out lots of food groups.”
While good nutrition and exercise are important for all children, there can be other cause of bone breakage in children. The National Osteoporosis Foundation highlights osteogenesis imperfecta, which is a genetic disease that causes weak bones; idiopathic juvenile osteoporosis, which affects children ages one to 13 and the cause is unknown; steroid medications might also slow bone growth in children and increase their risk for osteoporosis.
After nine weeks of bedrest during her first pregnancy, Jennifer Spencer’s only regret is that she did not ask for more help.
“It was not at all how I imagined it,” Ms. Spencer said two months after her son was born. “It was hard to ask for help. It just feels weird when I’m used to doing everything.”
There are many reasons that women are advised by their doctor or other health care professional to rest and even stay horizontal for the late stages of their pregnancy. When this happens, many women are like Ms. Spencer and at first think they will simply work from home or knit baby booties.
“It was hard to ask for help because a lot of my friends that live nearby have young children or are also pregnant,” she said. “People are busy and I’m home alone and bored at 2:00 p.m. on a weekday and can’t just ask them to stop by and scoop out the cat’s litterbox or wash the dishes.”
This is the reality of maternity bedrest that inspired Darline Turner-Lee to found Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond.
“The thing I found is that people treat it like it’s a vacation, and it’s really not,” Ms. Turner-Lee said. “Your life just gets suspended in an instant. All of a sudden you have to figure out, who is going to walk my child to school? Who is going to walk the dog? Who is going to grocery shop? Who is going to do the laundry? There are so many little things.”
Ms. Turner-Lee spent time on bedrest herself and understands where women are coming from, but still can be mystified when a woman refuses offers of help. “I had a neighbor whose daughter’s class was right across the hall from my own child’s and she said, “No.” when I offered to walk her daughter to school with my own kids,” she said. “Don’t be too proud, ask for help! You can and you must because the life of your baby may really depend on you staying in bed.”
Sometimes when it seems there is no one to ask for help during a time of prenatal bed rest, women can look into hiring professionals, such Homewatch CareGivers. Even though Ms. Spencer had her husband there to make her breakfast and set up a cooler with lunch and drinks to get her through his workday, she still needed more assistance. If a doctor’s order limits activities or requires the client to be on bed-rest, Homewatch CareGivers can help manage the day-to-day tasks around the home, assist with activities of daily living, plan and prepare healthy meals.
Beyond the chores and working from home, women cannot literally sit still on the couch or bed for weeks on end. “What I would have really liked, because it hurts to lay on the couch all the time, was to get a pedicure or a massage,” said Ms. Spencer.
Ms. Turner-Lee recommends that women do get massages while on bed rest and ask their doctors if there is some safe exercise they can do. She has created a DVD of modified prenatal exercises for women on bedrest.
“I think a lot of people get wrapped up in the bedrest itself and ruminate on it,” she said. “It is not a fun diagnosis and it is stressful. But I tell women to use the time for planning for the baby–research childcare or music lessons–and also for themselves. Maybe they realize they don’t want to go back to their job so they can look into starting a business or freelance work, or can look into breastfeeding or pumping policies at their job.”
There are many books to read on the topic of bed rest, including the highly recommended “Days in Waiting: A Guide to Surviving Pregnancy Bedrest” by Mary Ann McCann. This book includes a chapter by her husband with advice for partners and spouses and tips from a physical therapist on how to stay physically and mentally healthy during the challenge of bedrest.
“It’s a very sudden and alienating feeling,” said Ms. Spencer of being put on maternity bedrest. “If all you need is help, get over it and ask.”
When it comes to preventing heart disease and living life to its fullest, experts recommend following a heart health diet. If it isn’t already there, why not put eating right for your heart at the top of your priority list this year?
“It’s critical that we know we can reduce heart disease by promoting a healthy diet and a healthy lifestyle,” said Rachel Johnson, a registered dietician and professor of medicine at the University of Vermont.
Ms. Johnson refers to the American Heart Association’s for its extensive nutrition center, where anyone can learn about good and bad fats, find recipes and learn how to eat right whether cooking at home or dining out.
In general, Ms. Johnson said, the dietary guidelines for a healthy heart are the same for everyone, regardless of age, gender or ethnicity. “They would change somewhat if you are at a higher risk, have some genetic predisposition or high risk factors like bad cholesterol or diabetes,” she said. “But for general prevention, a family can eat a heart healthy diet and meet their nutrient needs.”
Hungry for vegetables? That’s a good thing if you plan on following these guidelines, which recommend over four cups of fruits and vegetables daily. Not only are fruits and vegetables a good source of vitamins and minerals, but they are also rich in dietary fiber. They can be eaten as snacks in place of high-calorie alternatives, and vegetables can go from being side dishes to part of the main course.
Be on the lookout for not-so-healthy fruits and vegetables such as canned fruit in heavy syrup, frozen fruit with added sugar, fried vegetables and vegetables cooked in creamy sauce.
Also eat fiber-rich whole grains. “Whole grains are different than multi-grains,” said Ms. Johnson. “Look for brown rice, whole wheat and oatmeal.” Ground flaxseed can be added to yogurt and cereals and is an excellent source of whole grains.
Of course eating fish — the oilier the better, such as salmon — since omega-3 fatty acids have been linked to a lower risk of heart disease is recommended. Nuts and seeds are also recommended, particularly those with good fats (unsalted). Almonds, sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds make a nice addition to any salad, smoothie or grain. Soaking nuts and seeds for eight to 12 hours before eating optimizes digestion.
That’s the good news.
Now on to the foods that we all need less of to have a heart healthy diet. Start with cutting sodium, which is linked to high blood pressure, to less than 1,500 mg per day. Then, reduce intake of sugar-sweetened beverages — both sodas and fruit drinks. “This should be limited to no more than 36 ounces per week,” said Ms. Johnson. “Those are empty calories and are associated with being overweight or obese.”
Sorry salami lovers, but processed meats also need to be cut back to two servings per week. Overall, the American Heart Association encourages people to make small, simple changes toward a healthier diet that consists of a wide variety of nutritious foods each day.
Key to understanding the dietary guidelines is to have a little knowledge about fats and how they can affect the heart. According to the Mayo Clinic, “A high blood cholesterol level can lead to a buildup of plaques in your arteries, called atherosclerosis, which can increase your risk of heart attack and stroke.” Limiting saturated fats and trans fats can reduce blood cholesterol and therefore lower the risk of coronary artery disease. These fats are typically found in butter, margarine and shortening as well as some meats. But people still need healthy fats in their diets and these are the monounsaturated fats found in olive and canola oils and polyunsaturated fats that come from nuts and seeds. These good fats can help lower blood cholesterol.
Knowledge about a better diet for the heart is key, but Ms. Johnson said that it takes more than that for people’s behavior to change. “Talk with your doctor or a registered dietician,” she said. “Find support groups. It can all help with motivation.”
Before signing on for a new diet as if it’s the next fad, Ms. Johnson reminds people that a heart healthy diet is simply a way of eating well. “It’s not like you follow one diet for heart, one diet for cancer, one diet for diabetes,” she said. “A heart healthy diet is an overall healthy diet.”
“I have never met a caregiver like Pam,” said Allison Enders who nominated Pam for the National Family Caregiver of the Year Award.
Pamela Parson has been caring for her 76 year-old mother for 40 hours a week since 2000. “Pam says her mother has always been there for her and she cannot bear the idea of her being in a nursing home, away from family that loves her,” said Allison. Although Pam has 3 siblings, Pam is her mother’s primary caregiver. She promised to take care of her mother with or without support from other family members. Pam’s mother was given only 6 months to live from several doctors, but because of Pam’s incredible caregiving sacrifice those doctors have been proven wrong. “Pam realizes that taking care of her mother is a huge job but she is willing to hang in there for as long as her mother needs her,” said Allison.
“The way Pam re-structured her life and chose career paths that would allow her to care for her mother is extremely commendable” said Phillip Cooley, owner of Homewatch CareGivers of Charlotte. Pam took a severance package from her employer in 2003 when her mother could no longer attend Adult Daycare and needed round the clock care and supervision. She was also able to network with an alumni from her business school who helped her get a job that allowed her to work from home. “With an MBA from Duke University there’s no telling where Pam could be by now, but in order to care for her mother and keep her safe she chose to adjust her career path,” said Allison.
Pamela also uncovered programs that provided extra assistance in her caregiving role. This assistance included modifying her house to her mother’s needs, building a wheelchair ramp and widening doorways, providing Pam with an electric lift recliner and showering equipment, enrolling her mother in meal deliver programs, and receiving a few hours of in-home care each day all for little or no charge. “If I were placed in Pam’s position I would want to find what kind of support is available for me out there. No one can do full-time caregiving alone without support. Look and see what kind of help you are eligible for. Homewatch CareGivers was one of several supportive organizations that Pam has employed,” said Philip.
“Every caregiver has to ask, “how can I do this job and not shortchange the other members of my family?” Pam has managed to do that” said Philip. “Pam is selfless in her care for her mother and, in my opinion, she is more than worthy of recognition” said Allison.